All of a sudden, some thoughts just visited mind and before they ditch me, its better I type them down; in no particular order.
Are you experiencing a kind of emptiness in your life? A kind of void space? The feeling of being the inspiration behind Aryabhatta’s discovery of zero! Like the whole world is moving with the speed of a Ferrari and your still stuck in the old, out of stock Maruti 400 that too in white color. Even every other girl or a guy roaming with their so called ‘soul mates’, and you still single or finding love in those typical, mainstream Rom-cons. If this was not enough, even the dumbest, ‘good for nothing’ creature in your arena starts looking like a C grade movie star. (But at least they have their own specific fan club!) Witnessing the buzz, the leisure and the glamorous life, and you doing nothing but sulk in your little mediocrity.
Being under the radar of every other elder in your family and neighbourhood’s aunties and uncles, trying to teach you sense out of their demeaning, not so important, never stopping time consuming talks, never-ending lectures. And necessarily only visiting your houses either for having the result-loaded laddoos or for the uninvited birthday treats or for the congratulating your parents on the stupidest thing. No block seems to fit in the already been solved puzzle. Like even the unanimated, immobile creature on the puzzle is laughing back at you. And you shouting, screaming, crying out loud at yourself… Oh god why me?!
Then you hear the voice which usually mentally challenged people used to do,
The other side replies with a devious little smile, “Oh you so don’t want to know…”
“I am the last proxy to your attendance, the final receipt to your canteen bill, the never again seen red marks on your answer sheet, the one who will take away your bunkers point, your last minute presentation making skills, the casual hie-five’s and not to forget the reason for the reduced trolls in gallery, the one who too weak to raise a good point, the one who sees blind people have beautiful eyes, and the one who only respond to those who are relevant to your rubbish! Well, I am your and only yours, stupid s-o-u-l! And yes, please carry on what’s in your mind?!”
“Actually, it really is that time when you see new humans around you weather it is in your college campus or even in your own world. No matter how you become WWE’s umpire during your skype when your friends starts criminal fight. When you see the newbies, just arrived first years’, you ask yourself ‘what have I done in the past years? I did have a plan right! Then what happened to that plan?’ And the answer to that is the plan got lost somewhere, while you were busy making memories with a bunch of so called idiots. And now these idiots seem to have become your life. The nothingness created with them in your lives is only thing that really matters.”
“Hey hey, what’s the matter be specific.”
“Trying to repair the damage and mend the little pieces they find in their way. Everyone is trying to roll on with their life, not knowing where it is leading them. Pretending to be sorted and painting a fake laugh at those seeming equally screwed. Taking these few days with sport and not letting the teary eyes flood. But what after this…. in which direction is your boat sailing to? Are you ready to step into the real world? To experience all those emotions instead of just sending them, to be the YouTube video and not the one increasing the views, to step out of that parental protective shield, to be this, to be that and what not! So I’m still a student of what’s next. Seriously, what next? No one really knows the answer. Although these little stunts might drool you over for some time, but the question still remains there itself… What’s Next? Do you know?”
“NO.” And that unknown voice goes where it belongs.
I seriously need purpose to live not just this stupidity. Irony is I’m posting this on the stupidest day in a year.
To those who think, I need to see a doctor. No, I don’t. I’ve seen more than enough of them. They are generally unkind, immensely capitalistic with minimum patience for what you’ve got to say about their patient’s stupid feelings or I should say never ending emojis. In fact, I should visit a shrink for my emotional problems but I won’t. No, the point ain’t that I’m boring. The point is you’re yet to get used to it. Something is wrong with you. Not me. Okay. Be happy. With me too!