You know it’s time to write a blog post when you start typing random things and keep on deleting them. Today was one of those days. So, here I am. Okay nothing just stupidity here. If you don’t have occupied your time somewhere. Yeah then, you’re welcome to join me and my not-at-all-writing skills.
I was in this extremely boring wedding today so I was doing all sorts of shit to keep myself occupied. And entertained. Seriously hat’s off for the women who wears saaris and handle themselves smoothly. Of course I’ve received some good compliments for it. But it just not my cup of coffee. Handled myself very I was eating paneer tikka with noodles and I was mixing orange juice with tomato soup and seeing how kids are maintaining this social occasion with their parents’ never ending warnings and I was talking to the waiters and I was observing (yeah. As usual). I saw 14 years old were dancing, 18 years old were thinking about dancing and 35 years olds were breaking the stage with their devastating moves.
Also, I saw everyone clicking pictures with their fancy cameras while all this was happening. 70 year old grandparents were asked to put the tilak once again because somehow the photographers couldn’t capture the moment well enough the first time. And the grandparents were doing it too, with smiles, big fake ones. Kids were clicking pictures with the mobile of their parents’ mobile phones. Their parents had professional cameras. The professional photographers had the more professional ones. It was a circus. A complete circus. It seemed like the wedding was happening only for the photographs. They were capturing memories so that they could relive it. Relive, ah! To relive, you got to live first. Two blacks make white, two wrongs make right.
It’s funny how most of the memories of our lives depend upon a small piece of plastic and techie technology. If there were no cameras, I bet it would’ve been difficult recognizing ourselves in our childhood pictures because there wouldn’t have been any childhood pictures. If we think about it, we have invented things so that our minds don’t have to remember shit. No memories of your past? Invent a camera. Can’t remember data?
Invent a computer. Can’t remember meetings? Invent reminders. Can’t calculate?
Well don’t worry dear mind, calculators are there. And thus, our minds started getting less occupied.
And what do you do when you don’t have anything in your mind? You invent. You invent more useless shit to comfort your lives. For a fact, my family never had a camera. We never bothered to buy one. I don’t have a reason to get embarrassed. There are no pictures of my parents having fun with me. Because we’re actually enjoying it without the worry one should capture them instead we’ve had enjoy for real. And what’s the point anyway? You aren’t going to forget who you are or who your brother was or who your parents are! I never understood this whole thing but I’m no one to claim that it’s bullshit. Until today, I never gave cameras much of a thought.
I always knew, I got to buy one someday. I always wanted to. But now, I don’t think we really need a camera. I mean we do remember stuff. If we can’t, then the stuff was probably not worth remembering. The whole thing of smiling and crying and smiling again after seeing the old photographs looks somewhat odd and ridiculous. I might never buy a camera. I don’t want to capture my kids’ childhood. I don’t want to cry looking at the photographs when they would go away to earn or to study. I don’t want that shit. I don’t give a shit about what toys my girl played with when she was small. And I bet on my life, she wouldn’t give a shit either when she would be twenty. Capturing a picture of your girl playing with those toys and reminding her twenty years later about how you cared about her says a lot about you.
Well, I certainly won’t need validation from my kids. Also, I’m not saying that people do these things for validation. They might not. It might just be their thing to look at the old photographs and cry. Anyway, so when the wedding got over, we handed the envelope to the groom and got ourselves clicked, for one last time. We were getting ready to go back home.
One strange thing happened I think it waited for a long to happen. My parents saw this one woman trying to have a conversation with her little girl. The girl was around 10 and she was probably going back home from her school. It probably wasn’t a good day in the school as she looked upset. The sight was beautiful as her mom and dad was making faces, playing with her and what not, just to make their girl smile. Seeing this, my mom started crying. Some memories flashed in her mind, maybe. Memories. I wish there were a device to delete the memories instead of capturing them.
Point to be noted: I never accepted the fact that I was depressed until I met my psych.
so if you think you are in depression, go to a psych, start your medication, take them until you realize it’s a big trap and then come here and read this blog post again and blame your so-called mind for not taking this post seriously before. And get depressed again.
If you aren’t happy, don’t worry, no one is.
They always say that we should listen to our heart and leave the rest on the universe. Well, they are mistaken. And they don’t even know how. Cheesy enough!
The thing is in way a rant of a frustrated student. If one do not agree with this, feel free to provide constructive criticism with reasons.
Reasons as to why you shouldn’t be in this College! Here’s a Thing that I wrote about Nirma! Frankly, I hate the place!
With the sucking (quite literally) heat/coldness of Ahmedabad and six back to back boring and over the top lectures, the day of weekday came to a halt. All I could hear after these two days is…
Is this what I really want to do?
This place is boring.
I did not expect it to be so bad man!
And all I could say was, ‘I know that feel girl!’
Yes I did, at least from the time (maybe because it’s time that I joined the college) and so I came up with “some” points (extremely subjective) as to why one should not be in this college!
For the Irony of life!
Just as you enter the gate [The university spent a very high amount in the construction of its new gate (rumour claims it to be a whooping 1 crore rupees!)] of the college, you are welcomed by lush green trees with blossoming gardens. The sun shines brightly above your head and there’s this ‘feel’ as we call it while walking with your bag, full of exactly two books and a single use and throw pen. There seems no better place for the illusion of a beautiful nature that is created within the campus. But soon, you see gloomy faces all around. Specs clad students walking with pace that would sure give Usain Bolt a complex. No doubt the girls look as pretty as they ever would but the suffocating air that surrounds you, gulps you and you soon see yourself marching with the zombie army with your beard growing with the day!
For the toothy smile of your lecturers
For the whole day then, the classes change, the subjects change, the people sitting beside you change but, two things remain constant-
1. Your boredom and sleep.
2. Your lecturers. Yes their faces and accent does change but that doesn’t make much of a difference.
It rather shocks me as to how someone can modulate their voices and go on speaking so efficiently for an hour at a stretch without giving in to the drowsy, innocent faces of their students.
The day starts with the face of a heavy moustached man with vanishing hair and continues with a woman in punjabi dress and inaudible voice. A thin man then drops your jaw with his “Hinglish” and the jaw still hangs in disbelief with another man’s extremely polished English! Because they want you to be an “All-rounder”… Yes, a wannabe professional has to study Electrical Technology and Ethics & Values and Communication Skills (Not that I am complaining about the latter two, they just made my life much more interesting). And yes one needs to gorgeously mug up the huge ‘reference books’ in a worry that his classmate would overcome his hard-earned pointers! But ultimately, they turn you into a Horse! Sure enough one of you would have ridden a horse at least once in their life. And most of you must have noticed the blinkers that surround his/her eyes so as to restrict his/her vision only to one straight direction.
Some totally not properly planned crazy rules. Some (many!) things seem wrong to me.
1. Unnecessarily spending money on making the campus more and more beautiful, especially when that money could be used for a lot of productive activities like buying new instruments, research grants, Entrepreneurship, organizing seminars, etc.
2. The orthodox beliefs of the management. They shares a belief that a student needs to ‘taught’. More emphasis is being laid on ‘teaching’ them, than to help them learn. They need to be reminded that, A man can’t be taught, he can only learn from his mistakes.
3. Very much reflected in the 85% compulsory attendance rule.
Option A Below 85%? – Write papers (which people generally manage to copy in a day’s time and which contributes 0% to our academics)
Option B Below 60%? – Detained! (You have a genuine reason for such less attendance? Either you are ill, got hit in an accident, or anything else, you have to manage all that in just 15%. That’s just ridiculous. They won’t consider any medical certificate. Nobody gives a Damn! No one listens. No one cares. You have just ruined your career!)
I would like to refrain myself over talking much about this because almost everyone of us would have at least days of debate on this already. They should realize that attendance do not make us a good engineer or professional. It simply makes you a good student which doesn’t usually gets extended to a good engineer or professional. Institute doesn’t want to accept this simple fact. Plus, Institute hasn’t been able to put forward substantial proofs of the compulsory attendance had made a significant improvement in one’s performance. It’s just a hollow law imposed upon us, and we are here twisting into its wild clutches. If Institute is thinking that the learning atmosphere is pretty good and attendance is justifiable, they should come and have a look at the classes after the attendance being frozen. There are just handful number of students, though I have no intention to pin-point at them and I seriously respect their sincerity. But what about others? Why they have to come everyday, attend every lab and tutorial (Because, you are allowed to bunk only one lab or tutorial to make you fall in the above 85 bracket. Compulsory 85 in every component rather than average is yet another completely stupid rule) Physical attendance should not be confused with mental presence. One cannot compel thyself to attend this/that forcefully! While, the sincere students still remain sincere, the careless student doesn’t even care anyway. That sums it up why this rule is ineffective. Adding more to it, great professors don’t need the compulsory attendance to attract students in their classes, people will still flock to them if they are providing quality education. Come on, man.. we have come with a decent score, we are at least responsible enough and adequately concerned about our own future. So, Please! A good theoretical idea!
4. The hierarchical structure of the institute (management) directly contradict from the statement which they have hung in the Management building which states “There is no pleasure earned, without much pain”. A student with good motives find it hard to get things done. People often do not care about good initiatives. They just want to cover their official part of duty. Of course, they are right to do their duty. But I think the rules need to be changed. A college should to be more flexible as by the definition itself, it has to create a learning environment, not to hamper it.
5. Permission required to play in the courts, playgrounds. That’s not only the end of it. You can only play in the time span specified by them. Your college and your grounds, and yet, you need permission to enter! Make them free yaar!! Everyone want to play!
6. The Power Points picked up from the internet. Download of .exe files blocked. Why in the world, one can’t install a simple software? Free WiFi – everything blocked! What the hell are we supposed to do with Google homepage and Wikipedia? And what the hell are you providing for free? Every signal jammed! Vehicles in campus not allowed. If you construct your college far away from the city, even out of the reach of a proper public transport, how can you ban hostel residents to keep vehicles? Not a single management institute has this kind of a ridiculous rule. Students pay more than 50,000 INR per semester to watch NPTEL videos. Freedom (of anything) – don’t ever even dream of it! If institute really want the international standards and environment that top universities possess then freedom is an integral part of it. creativity cannot sprout if there is no freedom. They just forget that it’s a free country. A truly “technical” institution for you, folks!
7. Realize the placement companies mentioned in the website are truly hilarious. The eligibility bar set crashes the dreams of all others where many 6 pointers are way better than 9 pointers! Some are don’t even know about this!
8. The assignments/projects submission policy: Now want to remain away from the names (of faculties, of course!) but this is plain truth of what some of us went through. Sometimes you have to work with people you don’t even look at, just imagine the poor soul’s condition! Their archaic standards to compare students. They will judge you solely upon your pointers. That judging, is where the whole problem lies. You’re treated as a scumbag if you don’t get the pointers. On one hand, institute want us to submit work/projects on time, while never providing necessary guidance as to how to do that work. Knowing the truth about something is far more important than getting things done.
9. Why does one have to make a register entry at entry gate even having ID card? That too every time on making an entry or exit? The sheer number of ridiculous rules due to them, the number of times I felt rage boiling down inside me was large enough. No wonder, I won’t hesitate in refusing to help the institute in any way, if ever asked.
10. The quality of professors/lectures and management’s inattention towards the recent faculty drain and some reputed professors have left the college. The new ones don’t know much. Frankly, I simply fail understand why the faculty knowledge level is so low. They are being paid above 50K, and for what? Most of them can’t even write and successfully compile a code. Faculties being hardly available to your personal help or pleas (because they are always roaming around the campus or might be busy on their laptops, doing something I seriously don’t know what?!), you can get a feel of it being a government office than a college. Come across faculties who will go to all sorts of lengths to help you in your pursuit and even those who wouldn’t bother to do a Google search about some topic and rather say “Don’t ask me – I don’t know”! When this is the way a student is treated in the Institution, how does one expect him/her to be innovative and change the community. Never asked for a kidney. All I asked was to give me a chance to say. If I were a faculty, that would be the most insulting phrase for anyone to utter let alone do it myself! Damn it! just a curious soul and want to know from you I know there is a thing called Google exists. Had no help from the faculty or the deans. Amidst the chaos of the rules no one knew which applied how and when and where. For student like me, the hardest part has been sitting throughout the lecture and listening to a person, who for most of the part doesn’t understands what he is actually talking about. Sometimes I feel as if I could have in fact learned better, had I given the same time to a YouTube tutorial instead. A teacher cannot afford to be confused. He may not know certain things, and that is okay, but at least I expect to learn a certain basic concepts from him. It doesn’t makes sense if have to go home, unlearn what has been taught and again relearn the same from online sources. Because, I am a student and hope that stay a student as I learn much more when I teach than when I was being taught.
11. Caterers – Laziest people on earth! Want to experience a tour of mumbai locals in Institution? Come to K block during break-hours. Because, canteen not less than a fish market and filled with students. You cannot celebrate birthdays, cannot make announcements and you cannot find food all the time! Another British rule! Its come to a stage where some of our elders have really become far more immature than us.
12. The Institution is filled with students. Its difficult to find some privacy, Space crunch where one can sit and think. ‘Innovators/creators’ need to sit alone and think. As rare as they are, even if there is one in the college, unfortunately, he/she doesn’t have the ‘time’ or ‘space’ to do so. Are we left with enough energy to innovate and be creative after so much work? (One have to spent 10 hours of a day receiving and recovering from your college education!) Depends on an individual’s capacity but in general most people can’t!
13. And there are many more! Would love to mock at all those (literally!) fantasy lovers who have made the name “NirmaLand” viral. I mean, seriously let alone be it to be called a “Land” of its own, being here will make you feel like in any local institution (At a times, one must be tempted to feel that even the other colleges would have been a better option than this one). Some sections (no proper response is something which I won’t mention, because that will already look wearisome by now.) It is a sheer waste of time.
14. Also, adding to the endless agony, some good professors brag about our dearest alumni, Mr. Pranav Mistry. But no one ever mentions what made him unique, what projects he did, how he did them? Which confirms, professors, for most of the times, have no idea what a student is working on. At most, they would know the overview. Every University has a right to take credit of their alumni, but that is the case when the alumni himself believes that the university has in some way helped him. Has he himself really mentioned to anyone that he is a Nirma Institute alumni? Does he really cares where he did his B.Tech. from? Has he ever spoken of how the institute contributed in making him a better innovator? Even the best minds need guidance to become great. Does institute have someone of that level? Or have they lost hope that institute will not find the best minds?! We all could have taken admission to government colleges, but we choose Institute called Nirma, because we thought it would actually add value to us. I am sorry to say this, but except for the part where we get praises from relatives, I do not see any value added to me! Though I did made a few good friends, and I am grateful for that.
15. The institution has several other issues to deal with but management is one of the things that needs to be changed before its hard earned reputation goes to the dogs. But as long as people continue to sway in being a part of the crowd, nothing is truly going to happen. A Misconception, that it is a very good institute. No. It is not.
Considering the above facts, it is becoming more and more apparent that it has become a numbers game. Clearly, the quality has been significantly compromised. It’s No To Nirma for sure. Really feel sorry for parents to have them drained out of money for this piece of shit. From now onwards, will refuse to let not this stupid institute ruin my talent and creativity, be it in any sphere. Seriously think taking a drop would have been a much better option than to take up studying in this institute. Rules are meant to guide students, not make their student life experience a bitter one.
A history of people who were absent, and plans that did not come to pass. But you the institution; I preferred you over my passion. Clearly shows, my passion is strong enough. But remember one thing, free speech is so last century. Today’s students want the right to be comfortable. Will come with big bang!
Life here is same as the above situation. It is as if there is no life beyond the atoms revolving around its nucleus. You are looked up to as a criminal if you have more interest/knowledge about a certain Shakespeare or any Cyber thing more than the interest/knowledge you have about the one-phase and three-phase generators. Because you don’t want to bore the rest of the World!
‘Saw his result? He scored more than me!’
‘You know mom how that works?’
‘Yaar! kitna padha?’
And the list goes on! There’s this I.T. Vocabulary that you would become a part of your day to day life. No matter if you are on a date or at someone’s funeral, the dynamics of motion and the force-couple system is sure to haunt the people around you!
ever heard of this? A school is as good as it students!
It’s not your, it’s about my standards.
After all this, let me add where Institute actually scores since desirability this (almost!) article to remain balanced. Purely exploitative in nature. It has got a very good library. By very good, sincerely mean very good. The day when books start judging us by our faces not far away!
For a extra Gyani note: If you are capable, and smart enough, you can shine through. Studying in a premier institute doesn’t even important. I am not bragging or boasting about it, but I am telling this because your grades and packages don’t define what you are and what your passion is, which is always with you. Not forcefully!
Not a big time follower of Shakespeare but remembered one thing which he said “What’s in a name?” well said man, well said!
I apologize for such a long post I have to speak through heart out loud. For the one to fight for the right thing because I have the guts to do it. Well, I can see how cheap your thoughts are to judge me from my this post habits! Keep going at least people have got some time to think/judging about me!
Creativity in me making sure you somehow spend your not-so-valuable time on reading this lame attempt at writing a post when there’s nothing to share about because i’m too busy thinking about my future that my present is blissfully blank and I don’t give a damn about it either.
N.B. Sorry but this shit happens when you’re so darn excited that even any of the weekday starts having an identity crisis.
Humans have this tendency to occupy things, to capture them, to keep them safe, to never share them. As the times have passed, these things have transformed into emotions. I was fascinated yet shocked by the realization that I don’t want to share my thoughts. I am scared of sharing the characters developed by me. Scared of validation? Maybe. Maybe something else. Maybe nothing there in the first place. I just don’t know it yet.
Maybe because they aren’t ready to come out yet. Or maybe because I am not strong enough to let them go. Once they are out, they can’t be with me. They will become a part of this world. It doesn’t matter if anyone reads them or not, loves them or not, but they won’t be the same for me, ever again. Amazing how we can become possessive about the smallest of the things or thoughts, but can let go our careers, our love, or even our freedom.
One thing is for sure, people who say that they aren’t insecure and that they don’t have any thing which they fear of losing, they are freaking kidding themselves. They’re lying with there self esteem. Even the smallest of the thoughts which we don’t share can become one of the biggest reasons behind the decisions which can change our lives forever. Never underestimate your emotions. Stolid is just a word. Stolid people don’t exist. It’s a theory by introverts-cum-ambivert to keep extroverts away.
Trust me, imagination is a bloody brilliant thing, and we should use it often. whether cows can get lung cancer by the smoke from your cigarette. Just go out and walk around and sit on that park’s bench and watch the oldies laughing and think how scared they actually are of dying.
The gentleman saw me smiling when all this was happening. After half an hour he came to me and told, “People will always judge your story, but they will never tell theirs, because they fear of being judged. Never in your life judge anyone before having the courage to tell your story to this world.” Of course all of this was in Hindi, and of course the guy was too drunk, but to think about it, he was right. No matter how bad your story is, or how weird your characters are, if you can have the courage to share them, you are doing at least one thing right. It’s not about how to share, or with whom to share, it’s just… Share.
I don’t have a any idea why I wrote this post, but you know what, it feels good. Pretty damn good.
You know you’ve grown up when you start laughing at the random absurdities of life instead of frowning upon them. When you start anticipating weirdest of the shit to happen with you at the weirdest of the times, you realize how life has been messing up your plans since forever. Sometimes it’s suffocating, sometimes it’s hysterical and the rest of the times it’s just plain nothing. Nothing at all.
An abyss in which your choices echo till you scream your lungs out. An infinite in which you are falling relentlessly, opposing every force of this universe. A life which is a rock bottom in itself, and it keeps hitting you, till you feel numb. And sort of dumb. And then one fine morning, when you wake up from your slumber, you realize you’ve never actually slept. The years have gone by in front of your eyes, and you’ve let them pass. You have seen them passing and you remember every year, every month, every day, every minute and every second, every micro second, passing in front of your eyes; eyes which were wide open, dreaming about something which never existed in the first place.
You keep telling yourself lies until they become an integral part of you. You become the part of the world which you’ve created for yourself, and the strange thing is, you feel suffocated. In your own god-damn world. The reality acts as an oxygen mask, you’re in his ICU and no matter how much you hate it, you can never dare to remove it. You actually start seeing the pattern, you start predicting things, you predict them correctly nine out of ten times. And you know why you fail the tenth time? Because a small part of you still expect things to be how you want them to be. And when this tenth time gets repeated a thousand times, you realize the randomness.
You start being one of them. You stop being you, you become them. You become a particle. You become the randomness.
One of those days when you want to just sit near your window and balcony with a cup of coffee and contemplate about your life.
When you want to just get over all your regrets and start things all over again, no matter how ugly your past was or how destructive your present is.
When you want to answer all the questions that you procrastinated upon earlier in the hope of getting answers as the time passes by.
When instead of doubting your abilities you take pride in them.
When you sit calmly with a clear mind and re think your goals.
When you ask yourself if not now then when?
When you give yourself the second chance that you deserve.
When you look at the trees and think how beautiful everything is and how it’s just the perspective that matters.
When you realize it’s never too late to start things all over again. And the perfect time to do that would be right at this moment. Now.
When you take the last sip of tea with a whole new perspective.
When you start being yourself.
One of those days. Such days don’t come often. Don’t miss out on them. Collect the inspiration, put some dedication, make your own tea. Life isn’t short. It’s damn long. Long enough to live every moments of it. And you deserve to live it with all the happiness. The unexamined life is not worth living. Actually, it is.
P.S.: I’ve never written this confusing for a while. Till then live with confusion. It’s damn curious feeling.
Let’s just forget that we are just a freaking dot in this vast Universe. And continue. How can one possibly able to do justice with all those memories lived, just by writing one blog post? I would dare not. Hence, nothing of this is about college. Heh?!
Few more months and everyone will get busy with their own lives, own jobs, own careers. Sure everyone would promise to stay in touch but let’s be honest here, we all know how that would turn out to be. You want a quick proof? Just count the number of school friends that you are in touch with now? This is just another phase which gets repeated every year, only with different people. (Hope, the friends we made during this time will last longer through out the life) We are growing up. All together. We are getting ready to face the world outside the door. We are becoming one of them. We are tying our shoelaces to go out there and find ourselves in the crowd.
All things happening way too fast. Some will survive. Rest will become particles. Particles which will ultimately reach the shore; not sooner, later. But isn’t the race all about to reach there faster? To earn more? To spend more? To become the king and queen of our own little king-queen-dom? I have always been the one with a perspective different from that of the society. I always wanted to follow my passion (not that I know what’s my passion as of now).
I was one of those who had a dream to dream a dream which no one has ever dreamt before. And look at where I am now? (not that (even any school buddies) any of you know where I am now but I am using this sentence as a rhetoric to convey I am doing nothing great which was quite obvious yet I explained in this different font). I am not being pessimistic, just being honest. Brutally honest. If nailing one exam or getting a good job defines you and your status in the society, then brother and sister, that society is not worth living for.
My search for passion hasn’t stopped yet. It has just faded away. And I don’t even know why. Actually, I do. But I don’t want to admit. I don’t know how you are supposed to deal with such stuff. I’ve never been good at it. At times, I feel numb. At times, I explode. At times, I feel helpless, I feel miserable. At times, I pity myself. And at times, I don’t want to live. There’s a limit to everything. If this is life’s way of teaching lessons, I don’t want to be the student anymore. You’re beautiful. I’m beautiful. But truth is ugly.
How Hermione of me, right? Anyways, I was just hoping you had a little time to discuss some stuff? Who am I kidding, of course, you’ve got time. I’ve got nothing but time, and you’re stuck with me…(my bad or your good?) or, you are me… or whatever. Anyways, let’s get to the topic at hand. Dreams. Thoughts. I’ve had some weird ones. Correction, I’ve had a lot of weird ones, but last night’s?
Allow me to explain, dear readers. Last night, I dreamt that I was seeing that new Ryan Gosling movie he did with the director of Blue Valentine. I can’t remember the any name. So I get to the theater and settle in. Lights go down, movie starts up… it was two hours of Ryan Gosling eating babies. Now, I don’t think that’s actually what the movie is, but can someone please explain to me, why the hell I’m dreaming about eating babies? Like, that’s weird, right? Great, and now I’m hungry… not for babies. I’m, like, normal hungry. Definitely not baby hungry. I cannot emphasize how much I do not eat babies, contrary to what my subconscious would like me to believe. Thanks mind do mind your own businesses.
Hey subconscious same advice for you too! Ugh, I’m going to go pour a bowl of food.
Well played Subconscious.
Dear random specific reader who texted me about no new posts,
Sorry I couldn’t write from few days. I was a little (too) busy, (Or maybe if you know I have a life to handle seriously!) oh I don’t know, driving across the country! So please accept my sincerest apologies that you didn’t have one of my oh-so-stupid five sentence rants to read from few days. I’ll do my best to never fail you like that again.
In between the driving and the not-writing or the drinking (only water) and catching up with old friends my hometown and the not-writing, I don’t know how I could betray you like that by not writing one of these posts. Unfortunately, that’s all I can give right now.
P.S.: Oh yeah… most of my stuff is still in storage in Ahmedabad if anyone wants to drive down and visit me with most of my earthly possessions? I don’t hate that plan, either.
We’ve known each other for, what, many years now? It’s been a while, that’s for sure. Hell, I’m pretty used to you by now. That’s strange thing actually. But last night? Last night marked a new low. I get a new dream, preferably one without clowns or needles.
Except last night… the dream started with a Albus Dumbledore – type figure as my college professor. No, the nightmare wasn’t about being in college. As the dream progressed, professor – wannabe was killing off students one by one in an effort to engage the class in his criminal psych class. It ended with him giving us all lethal injections because evidently we had never watched Scooby Doo before and none of us guessed that the creepy dude did it. Then I woke up.
Okay, not bad, but a little (Not that little girl!) weird… my next dream was that we were in his class again and he was up to his same dirty tricks, with slightly different methods of execution. I dreamed a sequel. More than that, I dreamed a shitty sequel that completely ignores the fatalistic ending of the first dream.
So here’s the deal, Nightmares. You keep doing what you do and I’ll cope with the sleepless nights, but no more sequels! I please you now! It’s right time to start a dreaming.
My Sleepless life,
Dear Internal Clock,
On what time you’re running in my own body without even informing me? Exactly what kind of game are you running, madam? We need find time to talk about on this topic.
I mean, seriously, can we at least talk about this? I get it, you got to have a weekend schedule. Those 10AM – 5PM shifts would kick your ass otherwise. But somehow, I get through those just fine, don’t I? Why are you running on different time zone even you knowing the fact that you’re in India. When you finally get off work and get back home, of course you’re going to be crash.
But still waking up at 9 AM, like you would any other day? That’s just unacceptable. It’s called sleeping in. Those days you wake up at 9… well, it’s usually because you’re an old girl and went to bed at 2 the night before, but you need your rest! Or else, you know what happens? That’s right. You fall asleep on your date. Not like, during the date (although there are chances that may happen too…) but literally on your date. You’re lucky she just went with it… even if it was pretty mortifying. So maybe next time just sleep a little later instead of sleeping on some poor unassuming girl, eh?
On exact time,
We’ve to make a deal now. Look dear (not that dear Okay?! 😛 ), I’m not saying that I hate you, (I’m not saying i like you either. Be clear!) I just – we should probably slow things down for a little while, you know? I’m just worried we’re getting too serious. I mean, all nights a week? You not even spearing Sunday now. It’s just – I’m not sure I’m ready for that kind of commitment, you know? You probably know, I know. Plus, well, considering I work, I’m kinda missing out on my 20s.
I mean, do you even know the last time I was up to watch Saturday morning cartoons? Getting out at 4:00 AM, making it home by 5, who has the energy to wake up at 8 AM for Scooby-Doo reruns? That too during winters? It’s not fair, dammit. These are the prime years of my life and I’m, what, spending them working?!?!… actually, yeah, no, that sounds about right.
I wonder what it must be like to have no conscience, no guilt, no shame,
To not take responsibility for your actions but find someone/something else to blame.
To call it fun when you play with a person’s heart,
To have no emotion as you watch them fall apart.
Your love at first so hot soon turns very cold,
You smile as you remember all the lies you have told.
They soon learn that any feelings you show are all very fake,
There is always an ulterior motive for the reasons you lie and take.
You cause destruction in most, if not all, of the lives that you touch,
Then move on to the next victim you will soon use as a crutch.
People call you psychopath or predator because that is what you are,
Once you are done with a victim their life will be scar.
You will do or say anything to get what you want at that time,
Doesn’t matter if it is their heart, their soul or even their last dime.
Life to you is one big game with different players to con,
You will use them up and spit them out once you have had your fun and move on.
Their tears and heartache will fall on your deaf ears,
When you are gone they are devastated and may stay that way for years.
They should be smart and learn how to read the signs.
You count on the fact that they will give you the benefit of the doubt and be blind.
It is easy to spin your web of lies because they do not know the real you.
They do not realize that you are very shrewd in studying their weaknesses and the things they do.
That is how you know the best way to worm your way in,
If they decide to play the game, there is no way they will win.
They may try to outsmart you but their rules and yours are not the same,
They forget you have no emotion and that is how you win the game.
Yes, I wonder what it must be like to go through life this way,
Since I was stupid enough to let you in my life and regret it every day.