Quack Quack Earthquake!

Once again earth is setting up stage from the core. Just again earth said, “that was just me rocking your world. And trust me this tremors are just trailers or spoilers the worst is yet come”. This “tremor thing” is when we wake up from our incessant daydreams and realize nature is still the boss. Yes, in India we are just one more day to a huge earthquake. Heart goes out to those in Nepal affected. A huge damage reported in Nepal. Just few minutes before this cursed to our humanity (and I’m writing about it). It is 7.8 magnitude. Remember that Richter scale is logarithmic! Sad part is that even these catastrophic events will be linked with political satire and jokes. More details… You already know about it.

Here’s my tolerating tale.
I felt you. Finally, I felt you. And I really want it too. No I’m not that excited to writing about the subject since there are a countless people lost their lives. But still I want it to continue just for the positive side. I don’t know why suddenly I’m writing about this earthy feeling but since I missed it in 2001 I desperately waiting for it. Yes as weird as it sounds but I missed it in 2001 in fact I don’t even know the meaning of that word in 2001. Honestly, I came to know this word only after 2001’s Gujarat earthquake. Almost after decades Earthquake (which I felt) and now no I’m not expecting you more. Somewhere from Gujarat earthquake to Nepal earthquake we grew up! Needless to say, I faced it in my craziness by saying to self “What the hell? Why I feel so nervous and shivering for no reason!” I felt that in weird way. And continued my stuff on the second thought. Maybe weekend is ruined again by these disturbing things. Fresh feeling can’t explain it more. Also, there is a negative part. Many people lost their lives in other states.

This is absolutely not a intention to hurt anyone’s sentiments. During a crisis… better to keep quiet. But seriously, I sincerely want to thank all that users of Facebook for not updating “feeling Earthquake” Or Twitter’s favorite question “What’s happening?” to Earthquake! People are improving on social sites. While some are waiting for “that pictures” of the place. Meanwhile some are worried and reporting (both at the same time!) the scenario like a desperate (wannabe) journalists on the same sites. No, what I’m doing is not part of any journalism. I’m just updating my blog since I found the subject and time of course!

“What’s the matter with me? I don’t have any feelings left?!” Only for those who missed the Earthquake. The bottom line is this earthquake didn’t affect you or anyone. Just like so many horrible news report from across the world. But after this all you move on. Because smile, you’re psychopath and that is life.

Hidden humans

Humans have this tendency to occupy things, to capture them, to keep them safe, to never share them. As the times have passed, these things have transformed into emotions. I was fascinated yet shocked by the realization that I don’t want to share my thoughts. I am scared of sharing the characters developed by me. Scared of validation? Maybe. Maybe something else. Maybe nothing there in the first place. I just don’t know it yet.

Maybe because they aren’t ready to come out yet. Or maybe because I am not strong enough to let them go. Once they are out, they can’t be with me. They will become a part of this world. It doesn’t matter if anyone reads them or not, loves them or not, but they won’t be the same for me, ever again. Amazing how we can become possessive about the smallest of the things or thoughts, but can let go our careers, our love, or even our freedom.

One thing is for sure, people who say that they aren’t insecure and that they don’t have any thing which they fear of losing, they are freaking kidding themselves. They’re lying with there self esteem. Even the smallest of the thoughts which we don’t share can become one of the biggest reasons behind the decisions which can change our lives forever. Never underestimate your emotions. Stolid is just a word. Stolid people don’t exist. It’s a theory by introverts-cum-ambivert to keep extroverts away.

Trust me, imagination is a bloody brilliant thing, and we should use it often. whether cows can get lung cancer by the smoke from your cigarette. Just go out and walk around and sit on that park’s bench and watch the oldies laughing and think how scared they actually are of dying.

The gentleman saw me smiling when all this was happening. After half an hour he came to me and told, “People will always judge your story, but they will never tell theirs, because they fear of being judged. Never in your life judge anyone before having the courage to tell your story to this world.” Of course all of this was in Hindi, and of course the guy was too drunk, but to think about it, he was right. No matter how bad your story is, or how weird your characters are, if you can have the courage to share them, you are doing at least one thing right. It’s not about how to share, or with whom to share, it’s just… Share.

I don’t have a any idea why I wrote this post, but you know what, it feels good. Pretty damn good.

Randomness

You know you’ve grown up when you start laughing at the random absurdities of life instead of frowning upon them. When you start anticipating weirdest of the shit to happen with you at the weirdest of the times, you realize how life has been messing up your plans since forever. Sometimes it’s suffocating, sometimes it’s hysterical and the rest of the times it’s just plain nothing. Nothing at all.

An abyss in which your choices echo till you scream your lungs out. An infinite in which you are falling relentlessly, opposing every force of this universe. A life which is a rock bottom in itself, and it keeps hitting you, till you feel numb. And sort of dumb. And then one fine morning, when you wake up from your slumber, you realize you’ve never actually slept. The years have gone by in front of your eyes, and you’ve let them pass. You have seen them passing and you remember every year, every month, every day, every minute and every second, every micro second, passing in front of your eyes; eyes which were wide open, dreaming about something which never existed in the first place.

You keep telling yourself lies until they become an integral part of you. You become the part of the world which you’ve created for yourself, and the strange thing is, you feel suffocated. In your own god-damn world. The reality acts as an oxygen mask, you’re in his ICU and no matter how much you hate it, you can never dare to remove it. You actually start seeing the pattern, you start predicting things, you predict them correctly nine out of ten times. And you know why you fail the tenth time? Because a small part of you still expect things to be how you want them to be. And when this tenth time gets repeated a thousand times, you realize the randomness.

You start being one of them. You stop being you, you become them. You become a particle. You become the randomness.

Sip of moments

One of those days when you want to just sit near your window and balcony with a cup of coffee and contemplate about your life.

When you want to just get over all your regrets and start things all over again, no matter how ugly your past was or how destructive your present is.

When you want to answer all the questions that you procrastinated upon earlier in the hope of getting answers as the time passes by.

When instead of doubting your abilities you take pride in them.

When you sit calmly with a clear mind and re think your goals.

When you ask yourself if not now then when?

When you give yourself the second chance that you deserve.

When you look at the trees and think how beautiful everything is and how it’s just the perspective that matters.

When you realize it’s never too late to start things all over again. And the perfect time to do that would be right at this moment. Now.

When you take the last sip of tea with a whole new perspective.

When you start being yourself.

One of those days. Such days don’t come often. Don’t miss out on them. Collect the inspiration, put some dedication, make your own tea. Life isn’t short. It’s damn long. Long enough to live every moments of it. And you deserve to live it with all the happiness. The unexamined life is not worth living. Actually, it is.

P.S.: I’ve never written this confusing for a while. Till then live with confusion. It’s damn curious feeling.

Dear Subconscious,

How Hermione of me, right? Anyways, I was just hoping you had a little time to discuss some stuff? Who am I kidding, of course, you’ve got time. I’ve got nothing but time, and you’re stuck with me…(my bad or your good?) or, you are me… or whatever. Anyways, let’s get to the topic at hand. Dreams. Thoughts. I’ve had some weird ones. Correction, I’ve had a lot of weird ones, but last night’s?

Allow me to explain, dear readers. Last night, I dreamt that I was seeing that new Ryan Gosling movie he did with the director of Blue Valentine. I can’t remember the any name. So I get to the theater and settle in. Lights go down, movie starts up… it was two hours of Ryan Gosling eating babies. Now, I don’t think that’s actually what the movie is, but can someone please explain to me, why the hell I’m dreaming about eating babies? Like, that’s weird, right? Great, and now I’m hungry… not for babies. I’m, like, normal hungry. Definitely not baby hungry. I cannot emphasize how much I do not eat babies, contrary to what my subconscious would like me to believe. Thanks mind do mind your own businesses.

Hey subconscious same advice for you too! Ugh, I’m going to go pour a bowl of food.
Well played Subconscious.

Dear Nightmares,

We’ve known each other for, what, many years now? It’s been a while, that’s for sure. Hell, I’m pretty used to you by now. That’s strange thing actually. But last night? Last night marked a new low. I get a new dream, preferably one without clowns or needles.

Except last night… the dream started with a Albus Dumbledore – type figure as my college professor. No, the nightmare wasn’t about being in college. As the dream progressed, professor – wannabe was killing off students one by one in an effort to engage the class in his criminal psych class. It ended with him giving us all lethal injections because evidently we had never watched Scooby Doo before and none of us guessed that the creepy dude did it. Then I woke up.

Okay, not bad, but a little (Not that little girl!) weird… my next dream was that we were in his class again and he was up to his same dirty tricks, with slightly different methods of execution. I dreamed a sequel. More than that, I dreamed a shitty sequel that completely ignores the fatalistic ending of the first dream.

So here’s the deal, Nightmares. You keep doing what you do and I’ll cope with the sleepless nights, but no more sequels! I please you now! It’s right time to start a dreaming.
My Sleepless life,
Sneha

Dear Dad,

Firstly, I’m going to start with “I Love you”. And when I say that I really mean that. Now, look, I know it’s been awhile, but I have a kind of personal question to ask you. Last night, I had a dream that you and my teacher from middle school – well, you guys ate me. Not, like, “zombie style” or “ghost style” ate me, but “baked me at 360 degrees until golden brown” ate me. Weird? Isn’t it? It is. But since i dreamt it. I’m scared now. We’ve to make this clear now.
I just wanted to check… that was – that was, like, a dream, right? Not a premonition? because I know we’ve had disagreements before, but I don’t think anybody has solved their problems by eating their offspring before. I mean, just look at how it worked out for ruler of heaven and earth – Zeus.
Your only daughter, please look into my matter,
Sneha

Dear Ahmedabadis,

It’s called rain. I know, I know, it never rains in Ahmedabad when we people want. I mean they have apparent reason though. But when it is, we should learn how to enjoy just like normal human beings. I think some country music pop star or EDM artist (what?!) should wrote a song about it?

Anyways, yeah, just to get you all caught up to speed, it’s called rain, it comes from the sky, and it makes things wet. Now that we’re all cleared up on that, maybe everyone can stop driving like an idiot? I mean, I thought it was bad when the asphalt was completely dry, but you get a little sprinkle and the whole world goes to shit. All I’m saying is, keep calm and carry on.

Sure, a little precaution is understandable, but don’t drive like a bunch of geriatrics on their way to bingo on a Saturday night. Because some of us, those who know what rain is, are tired of having to account for an extra hour in traffic because you folks don’t know what to do with a little water from the sky.
Sincere Citizen,
Sneha

Dear Internal Clock,

On what time you’re running in my own body without even informing me? Exactly what kind of game are you running, madam? We need find time to talk about on this topic.
I mean, seriously, can we at least talk about this? I get it, you got to have a weekend schedule. Those 10AM – 5PM shifts would kick your ass otherwise. But somehow, I get through those just fine, don’t I? Why are you running on different time zone even you knowing the fact that you’re in India. When you finally get off work and get back home, of course you’re going to be crash.

But still waking up at 9 AM, like you would any other day? That’s just unacceptable. It’s called sleeping in. Those days you wake up at 9… well, it’s usually because you’re an old girl and went to bed at 2 the night before, but you need your rest! Or else, you know what happens? That’s right. You fall asleep on your date. Not like, during the date (although there are chances that may happen too…) but literally on your date. You’re lucky she just went with it… even if it was pretty mortifying. So maybe next time just sleep a little later instead of sleeping on some poor unassuming girl, eh?
On exact time,
Sneha