Okay, it’s been real, but I think the time has come for us to split ways. Normally, I’m the person who would say “it’s not you, it’s me.” Hell, more often than not, it’s not even a lazy cliché I’m using. It usually is my fault. It’s my own fault. But this time? This time it’s on you.
If it’s not smog, it’s superficiality. It’s not summer, it’s hot anyway. If it’s not pointless conversations about organic produce, it’s an equally meaningless discussion of who knows whom. If it’s not endless traffic, it’s… well, you get my point. But I don’t think this is entirely one-sided. I think, whether you admit it now or not, you’ll be glad to be rid of me for few days, Ahmedabad.
Hopefully we can both grow from this experience.
Your sincere citizen,
Dear dedicated Scientists,
Hey what’s up extremely sincere people. I do respect you. Like anything. I’ll be brief, since I’m sure you guys are trying to cure cancer or something. I just have a quick question for you folks… where, exactly, did we land on this whole time travel thing? Like, are we completely ruling it out? Probability? Possibility? I mean, there are a lot great uses for time travel. If you figure it out, you can go back in time and give people the cure to cancer earlier… although that might save a lot timelines… but it’d save lives!… or create a paradox that causes the universe to collapse in on itself.
Okay, I’ll be honest, I’m not asking about time travel because I’m eager to cure cancer (although that’s, like, a good cause or whatever, let’s get on that) or save the world. There was this awesome concert that I really wanted to go to in the early 2000s, but I wasn’t allowed since it was a school night. Yeah, my parents were those parents.
And I hate the part where, being people are named Moon! Speaking of which, 12 astronauts have been to moon so far. The last person to be up there was Eugene Cernan and this was way back in 1972. Which means nobody has been to moon in over four decades. Doesn’t that add to moon’s loneliness? Lastly, what’s the point of becoming astronauts nowadays when Mars in inhabited by robots and we’ve given up on our lunar missions?
Anyways, I was feeling nostalgic and since the band is broken up or whatever, my next best bet? Clearly, time travel. Anyways, if you guys could sort that stuff out and get back to me, I’ve been missing some persons from my youth… you know, pre-facebook era and pre-blog writers. Oh yeah, and I promise not to abuse time travel for my own personal gain or whatever… you guys are smart enough to figure out time travel, but still stupid enough to believe that, right?
At exact time,
Dear random pet animals,
I’d like to take the opportunity to apologize for your human. We aren’t all like that. See, if there’s one thing that I cannot (Under/Over) stand, it is irresponsible pet ownership. Naturally, you’re a puppy so it’s understandable that you’ll have an accident here and there. I’m not thrilled with it, but I understand it. Plus, given that your human only takes you out, roughly twice a day? Yeah, bladder control could be an issue. You deserve better than that. Hell, any canine does. So please, don’t hate us all because you got stuck with one of the bad ones.
Lastly, I kind of love when I call your name and you come around.
Sincerely, social human animal,
Damn, you live in my room without letting me even know? That’s just not fair dude. You’ve to pay rent to me for let-me-save-your-home. I even take few amount of rent from group of ants near your residency. Ask them? I may give you some discounts since you’re alone member. Does that seem fair? Have your lawyer look over the agreement and get back to me.
See, I know we’ve been through some rough times (mainly that “some” time when I tried to crush you, but evidently I didn’t press hard enough because you totally crawled off when I lifted my book shelf) but I just want to put those times behind us. I mean, I think we both said some things we didn’t mean. Like, when I called you disgusting, all I meant was you’re… an acquired taste. Just like I’m sure you didn’t mean it when you, you know, existed. All I’m saying is, try not to hold a grudge. I don’t like to crush you because one day you might be made me Spiderwoman or something. And now, I think we could both benefit from putting this behind us.
Plus, if I die under suspicious circumstances, everyone will know that it was your fault… or the myriad of other people who probably want me dead…
This place is mine, so as my rules,
Dear “Awkward Moment of the Year” Award Committee,
First thing first, contact me. I mean very seriously. Okay. Let’s start with formal conversation.
Hi, What’s up? How’s it going? I’m not really sure how the whole democratic process of voting for this award goes, but personally, I’d like to nominate, well, most of last night, but particularly one moment. But first, it’s important to know a little something about me. See, I’m a child of a good/best parents. I know, it’s hard… plus, it’s weird to call myself a “child of good/best parents” when it happened when I was at today’s age. I know, it’s hard being me, person working on a book about how much it sucks to be me.
Without getting too deep into it, my parent’s love was/is… more than lovable, my mother living with my father; my parents were still married. Both love more to each other surprisingly still in this era. Scandal, right? No, it’s not a scandal At all. They call each other “partner in crime”. I wonder, if i’m the the crime! Look, I’m not expecting to win the damn award, it’d just be nice to place this year, you know?
But you may like to consider me for next year. Please!