Randomness

You know you’ve grown up when you start laughing at the random absurdities of life instead of frowning upon them. When you start anticipating weirdest of the shit to happen with you at the weirdest of the times, you realize how life has been messing up your plans since forever. Sometimes it’s suffocating, sometimes it’s hysterical and the rest of the times it’s just plain nothing. Nothing at all.

An abyss in which your choices echo till you scream your lungs out. An infinite in which you are falling relentlessly, opposing every force of this universe. A life which is a rock bottom in itself, and it keeps hitting you, till you feel numb. And sort of dumb. And then one fine morning, when you wake up from your slumber, you realize you’ve never actually slept. The years have gone by in front of your eyes, and you’ve let them pass. You have seen them passing and you remember every year, every month, every day, every minute and every second, every micro second, passing in front of your eyes; eyes which were wide open, dreaming about something which never existed in the first place.

You keep telling yourself lies until they become an integral part of you. You become the part of the world which you’ve created for yourself, and the strange thing is, you feel suffocated. In your own god-damn world. The reality acts as an oxygen mask, you’re in his ICU and no matter how much you hate it, you can never dare to remove it. You actually start seeing the pattern, you start predicting things, you predict them correctly nine out of ten times. And you know why you fail the tenth time? Because a small part of you still expect things to be how you want them to be. And when this tenth time gets repeated a thousand times, you realize the randomness.

You start being one of them. You stop being you, you become them. You become a particle. You become the randomness.

Farewell, not so well

Let’s just forget that we are just a freaking dot in this vast Universe. And continue. How can one possibly able to do justice with all those memories lived, just by writing one blog post? I would dare not. Hence, nothing of this is about college. Heh?!

Few more months and everyone will get busy with their own lives, own jobs, own careers. Sure everyone would promise to stay in touch but let’s be honest here, we all know how that would turn out to be. You want a quick proof? Just count the number of school friends that you are in touch with now? This is just another phase which gets repeated every year, only with different people. (Hope, the friends we made during this time will last longer through out the life)  We are growing up. All together. We are getting ready to face the world outside the door. We are becoming one of them. We are tying our shoelaces to go out there and find ourselves in the crowd.

All things happening way too fast. Some will survive. Rest will become particles. Particles which will ultimately reach the shore; not sooner, later. But isn’t the race all about to reach there faster? To earn more? To spend more? To become the king and queen of our own little king-queen-dom?  I have always been the one with a perspective different from that of the society. I always wanted to follow my passion (not that I know what’s my passion as of now).

I was one of those who had a dream to dream a dream which no one has ever dreamt before. And look at where I am now? (not that (even any school buddies) any of you know where I am now but I am using this sentence as a rhetoric to convey I am doing nothing great which was quite obvious yet I explained in this different font). I am not being pessimistic, just being honest. Brutally honest. If nailing one exam or getting a good job defines you and your status in the society, then brother and sister, that society is not worth living for.

My search for passion hasn’t stopped yet. It has just faded away. And I don’t even know why. Actually, I do. But I don’t want to admit. I don’t know how you are supposed to deal with such stuff. I’ve never been good at it. At times, I feel numb. At times, I explode. At times, I feel helpless, I feel miserable. At times, I pity myself. And at times, I don’t want to live. There’s a limit to everything. If this is life’s way of teaching lessons, I don’t want to be the student anymore. You’re beautiful. I’m beautiful. But truth is ugly.

Dear Facebook and your Users,

Awesome, Facebook is growing yearly. More boring status updates than ever. Yes, today is the start of a new year, but there are some things that still haven’t changed since last year. Your best new year resolution would be (only) “I’m not posting this on Facebook”.
For instance, I still don’t care that you’re watching the news. Why post that? I mean, seriously, that’s all it says. “Blah Blah Blah… is watching the news.”
Nothing about the news or what’s on the news. Just that you’re watching it. Listening it. Doesn’t need to inform whole world.

So I have a New Year’s resolution for you. It might be a challenge for some of you, but here goes. Say something actually interesting. You know what? That’s not fair. That’s asking too much. New Year’s resolution for me. Get more interesting friends. I should probably get on that.
Facebook you’re getting bored.
Sincerely,
Sneha

P.S.: Still not a user of Facebook.

Dear 2013,

Let’s be honest, 2012 was a bit of a disappointment. I mean, it was nothing like that ‘The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2’ movie. Relax, folks, if you can’t tell I’m kidding about that by now, I’m not sure what you’re doing still reading this blog.

All I’m saying is, 2012 was supposed to be a year of change. What changed? Not even our PM! I mean, thank God for that, but seriously! Okay, I guess I did change states… but I’m doing the same thing in 2013, so that sort of life event can’t be that huge.

2012 promised the world ending and it didn’t even deliver on that. So far, 2013, I have no expectations from you, so if you manage to let me down? Well, that would truly be a feat.
Sincerely your welcome buddy,
Sneha

Dear so-called-college-friends who are tired of the election,

It’s been a long road, hasn’t it? Truth be told, with all the mud-slinging and uncertainty from both sides of the aisle, it’s been a pretty exhausting election. Still, your posts of “Okay, the election is over, stop posting about politics” and “Ugh, I’m so sick of politics, so glad we don’t do this for another few years,” well, they make you sound ignorant. Is the next election in five years? Sure, you’re right about that much… but do you really think the only time to be political is during the election? Because I hate to tell you, but that’s not how it works.

The visibility of politics is definitely increased around this time of year, but if you think you can just vote once and that all your prayers will be answered by the time the next election rolls around? Well, you’re mistaken. You have to hold your politicians accountable. You have to keep track of the issues. If things aren’t changing, you have to work for that change. Call your political officials, protest, do whatever necessary.

We live in a society of instant gratification. If your demands aren’t met by the next election, you claim the system failed you. But you have to work the system too. Ignoring the fact that politicians are busy and can’t always achieve the change you wanted immediately, they’ve got a lot of ground to cover. You need to be persistent.

So next time you tell me you’re tired of politics and you can’t wait for it all to be over, expect to be verbally bitch slapped. Politics are never ever. They are in a constant state of evolution. Perhaps your failure to realize that is part of the reason you’re so disenchanted with the system. Believe me, it’s far from a perfect one, but it’s not completely lifeless yet. Don’t call me “anti nationalist” or “you always was kind of bad at being patriotic”. Elections are over. So does year. Welcome to reality.
Your move Politicians.
Sincerely,
Sneha

Dear free Voters,

It’s that time of year again. Don’t be an idiot. Get informed. I’m talking about more than just watching the debates. Follow through. If you did, you’d see how frequently some people was mistaken and/or outright lied in each debate.
It’s not hard to do.

There are tons of partisan websites that can help you sort through the issues. And if you don’t or you don’t vote, you lose the right to complain about the way your country is run. Oh, and I’ll kick you.
The more you know. That would be appreciated by me.
Sincerely, You’re the final judge,
Sneha

Dear Subconscious,

How Hermione of me, right? Anyways, I was just hoping you had a little time to discuss some stuff? Who am I kidding, of course, you’ve got time. I’ve got nothing but time, and you’re stuck with me…(my bad or your good?) or, you are me… or whatever. Anyways, let’s get to the topic at hand. Dreams. Thoughts. I’ve had some weird ones. Correction, I’ve had a lot of weird ones, but last night’s?

Allow me to explain, dear readers. Last night, I dreamt that I was seeing that new Ryan Gosling movie he did with the director of Blue Valentine. I can’t remember the any name. So I get to the theater and settle in. Lights go down, movie starts up… it was two hours of Ryan Gosling eating babies. Now, I don’t think that’s actually what the movie is, but can someone please explain to me, why the hell I’m dreaming about eating babies? Like, that’s weird, right? Great, and now I’m hungry… not for babies. I’m, like, normal hungry. Definitely not baby hungry. I cannot emphasize how much I do not eat babies, contrary to what my subconscious would like me to believe. Thanks mind do mind your own businesses.

Hey subconscious same advice for you too! Ugh, I’m going to go pour a bowl of food.
Well played Subconscious.

Dear New Neighbor,

Hey, how’s it going? Settling in and everything? Look, I just wanted to talk to you about something from yesterday and few days before of them. Here’s the points… take them (very) seriously!

Point 1 – I know when we first meet people it can be rough. First impressions can be nerve-wracking. Specially with me. And I guess you too. I mean, you want to come off as cool, but still establish your boundaries. I mean, you do you, dude but if we could keep the total randoms maybe, like, in your room? Yeah, that’d be cool too.

Point 2 – Seriously, when all I could hear was, like, the squeak of what sounded like a rusty swing-set, despite having no swings in a one-mile radius, all I could think was, “well, shit, here’s…” While I appreciate a good pop culture reference as much as the next person, it’s 6:30 in the morning. Well, that and, apparently, new street dog didn’t like The Warriors too much because he keeps growling at you. Me? I can just tune you out.
But a growling dog, standing at full attention on your abdomen? It’s a little more difficult. So take your creepy ambient noise and peddle it somewhere else because I’d really like to get this dog off of me.

Point 3 – I’ve put up with a lot. Honestly, I don’t mind. You’re usually pretty good folks. But seriously? I mean, stomping around at, like 4 in the morning? I’m not even exaggerating. I was literally awoken at 4 AM by what sounded like the wildebeest stampede from The Lion King. I mean, yeah, a part of me is pissed about the whole “being woken up at 4 AM” thing, but what is there even to do at 4 AM on a Monday in Ahmedabad? There is literally nothing open. It’s just wake me up at 4 AM on a Saturday morning with your old songs and we’re fine. No, I’m not happy, but eh, I’ll deal. But it’s damn Monday; well, technically Tuesday. It’s just – it’s not my problem you’re raging alcoholics, but it becomes my problem when you wake me up.

Point 4 – Your girl and your family. I know you’re new here, but allow me to explain something. I can hear everything you do up there. A certain part of it is, well, because this is not your apartment building, but the other factor? Yeah, you’re just that too loud. I mean, for God’s sake, cowgirl boots? Not even just cowgirl boots, but evidently, cowgirl boots that you’ve fitted with some sort of tapping apparatus or maybe lead soles? I only assume it’s one of those two because there is no way a human should actually be able to make that much noise with just two feet. So maybe we can try taking off our boots, just when we’re inside? Think about it? And when I say “think about it”, I really mean “do it”.

You think I need to give you more points?

Maintained my neighborly discipline,
hope you does, too.
Sneha

Dear random specific reader who texted me about no new posts,

Sorry I couldn’t write from few days. I was a little (too) busy, (Or maybe if you know I have a life to handle seriously!) oh I don’t know, driving across the country! So please accept my sincerest apologies that you didn’t have one of my oh-so-stupid five sentence rants to read from few days. I’ll do my best to never fail you like that again.
In between the driving and the not-writing or the drinking (only water) and catching up with old friends my hometown and the not-writing, I don’t know how I could betray you like that by not writing one of these posts. Unfortunately, that’s all I can give right now.
Your so-called-writer,
Sneha

P.S.: Oh yeah… most of my stuff is still in storage in Ahmedabad if anyone wants to drive down and visit me with most of my earthly possessions? I don’t hate that plan, either.

Dear Indian History,

While I’m really grateful for a day off in the middle of august, let’s talk about the man behind the myth. Mahatma Gandhi was not a very nice guy. He cheated on his father and sons. He reportedly plagiarized a good deal of work in school. But you know what? That’s okay. Well, okay, maybe it’s not okay, but it happened. Moving on. My point is, we shouldn’t be so desperate for heroes in Indian history. Mahatma Gandhi’s influence is undeniable and revolutionary, as an activist, but as a man, he was as deeply flawed as the next man or woman. He wasn’t perfect. The sooner we stop teaching these sanitized depictions of historical figures, the closer we can get to a national identity that embraces the good and the bad. After all, a wise sitcom once told me that if you take them both, then there you have… the facts of life. Okay, but enough about another humans. Seriously though, the idealization is getting out of control.

Mahatma Gandhi was not a bad man.  Gandhi is the world’s most famous hypocrite. Gandhi’s first son, Haridas, and how he was rejected by his own father. Who could argue with Gandhi the lawyer? You will never hear me saying that. But i said it now you see? He created a national dialogue in a meaningful and life-changing way. Was he a bad father? Eh, he probably could have been a little better… Was he a bad student? Well, plagiarism isn’t exactly great, either… But none of these do anything to make him less profound and impact-full. They just make him human. I’m just saying, historians. Maybe you should consider it.

It just pre-technology era which we still believing in. I’m still reeling from being lied to all my life about how awesome Christopher Columbus, Vasco da Gama was.
Sincerely still Indian,
Sneha