Connecting people!

Last night, group of my classmates-turned-so-called-brand-new-friends asked me what makes me happy. This was before they answered the question for themselves. One said something about visiting and connecting every countryside while second said something about getting recognition for his work by people third said his whole never-ending to do list. Another said to connect with more people as fast as one can. In my defense, I said I love talking to people. It may sound unbelievable, I do love talking to people. But I’ve noticed that my level of communication drops as soon as I get familiar with a given person. Maybe I bore people faster than the speed of light.

My finest interactions and conversations have taken place with random strangers whom i meet and then never meet again. With certain surety to not meet and bore each other (if next time you and we got chance to meet!) like we’re doing together right now. The absence of baggage on how I’d behave or talk like or whatever with such people is such a relief. It is. I guess that makes me happy more than any-no-thing.

Related note: A friend once told me that we are here to leave behind witnesses that we were here. Strangers matters. Such Motivation, Much Inspiration. In that sense, I think i’m just happy collecting and connecting with more and more witnesses who don’t really matter but still do. As each and every one of you too!

Sip of moments

One of those days when you want to just sit near your window and balcony with a cup of coffee and contemplate about your life.

When you want to just get over all your regrets and start things all over again, no matter how ugly your past was or how destructive your present is.

When you want to answer all the questions that you procrastinated upon earlier in the hope of getting answers as the time passes by.

When instead of doubting your abilities you take pride in them.

When you sit calmly with a clear mind and re think your goals.

When you ask yourself if not now then when?

When you give yourself the second chance that you deserve.

When you look at the trees and think how beautiful everything is and how it’s just the perspective that matters.

When you realize it’s never too late to start things all over again. And the perfect time to do that would be right at this moment. Now.

When you take the last sip of tea with a whole new perspective.

When you start being yourself.

One of those days. Such days don’t come often. Don’t miss out on them. Collect the inspiration, put some dedication, make your own tea. Life isn’t short. It’s damn long. Long enough to live every moments of it. And you deserve to live it with all the happiness. The unexamined life is not worth living. Actually, it is.

P.S.: I’ve never written this confusing for a while. Till then live with confusion. It’s damn curious feeling.

Farewell, not so well

Let’s just forget that we are just a freaking dot in this vast Universe. And continue. How can one possibly able to do justice with all those memories lived, just by writing one blog post? I would dare not. Hence, nothing of this is about college. Heh?!

Few more months and everyone will get busy with their own lives, own jobs, own careers. Sure everyone would promise to stay in touch but let’s be honest here, we all know how that would turn out to be. You want a quick proof? Just count the number of school friends that you are in touch with now? This is just another phase which gets repeated every year, only with different people. (Hope, the friends we made during this time will last longer through out the life)  We are growing up. All together. We are getting ready to face the world outside the door. We are becoming one of them. We are tying our shoelaces to go out there and find ourselves in the crowd.

All things happening way too fast. Some will survive. Rest will become particles. Particles which will ultimately reach the shore; not sooner, later. But isn’t the race all about to reach there faster? To earn more? To spend more? To become the king and queen of our own little king-queen-dom?  I have always been the one with a perspective different from that of the society. I always wanted to follow my passion (not that I know what’s my passion as of now).

I was one of those who had a dream to dream a dream which no one has ever dreamt before. And look at where I am now? (not that (even any school buddies) any of you know where I am now but I am using this sentence as a rhetoric to convey I am doing nothing great which was quite obvious yet I explained in this different font). I am not being pessimistic, just being honest. Brutally honest. If nailing one exam or getting a good job defines you and your status in the society, then brother and sister, that society is not worth living for.

My search for passion hasn’t stopped yet. It has just faded away. And I don’t even know why. Actually, I do. But I don’t want to admit. I don’t know how you are supposed to deal with such stuff. I’ve never been good at it. At times, I feel numb. At times, I explode. At times, I feel helpless, I feel miserable. At times, I pity myself. And at times, I don’t want to live. There’s a limit to everything. If this is life’s way of teaching lessons, I don’t want to be the student anymore. You’re beautiful. I’m beautiful. But truth is ugly.

Dear random specific reader who texted me about no new posts,

Sorry I couldn’t write from few days. I was a little (too) busy, (Or maybe if you know I have a life to handle seriously!) oh I don’t know, driving across the country! So please accept my sincerest apologies that you didn’t have one of my oh-so-stupid five sentence rants to read from few days. I’ll do my best to never fail you like that again.
In between the driving and the not-writing or the drinking (only water) and catching up with old friends my hometown and the not-writing, I don’t know how I could betray you like that by not writing one of these posts. Unfortunately, that’s all I can give right now.
Your so-called-writer,
Sneha

P.S.: Oh yeah… most of my stuff is still in storage in Ahmedabad if anyone wants to drive down and visit me with most of my earthly possessions? I don’t hate that plan, either.

Dear Dad,

Firstly, I’m going to start with “I Love you”. And when I say that I really mean that. Now, look, I know it’s been awhile, but I have a kind of personal question to ask you. Last night, I had a dream that you and my teacher from middle school – well, you guys ate me. Not, like, “zombie style” or “ghost style” ate me, but “baked me at 360 degrees until golden brown” ate me. Weird? Isn’t it? It is. But since i dreamt it. I’m scared now. We’ve to make this clear now.
I just wanted to check… that was – that was, like, a dream, right? Not a premonition? because I know we’ve had disagreements before, but I don’t think anybody has solved their problems by eating their offspring before. I mean, just look at how it worked out for ruler of heaven and earth – Zeus.
Your only daughter, please look into my matter,
Sneha

Dear cousins,

It had been awhile. You know how it is, with a family like ours. It’s hard to get everyone together at once. That’s probably my biggest regret, how long it’d been since we saw each other last. Since we met each other last. Honestly, it’s hard for me to write a letter like this. I remember after a friend of mine said, the grief counsellor recommended you write a letter to the person. Well, you guessed it, I’m not that religious girl so the exercise seemed kind of pointless to me, but I gave it a shot then and it doesn’t hurt to try again, right?

I guess the main thing I wanted to say was thank you. It’s always disheartening that such terrible things happen to bring out the good in people, but it’s always amazing to me when they do. My mom? When she called to tell me the news, I knew it wasn’t good because I could hear her sniffling. The number of years old and I’d never seen or even heard my mother cry. We were always one of those ordinary people emotionally repressed kind of families and it worked for us. Later that night, I saw my brother was calling. Again, not close, but mainly because we don’t know how to talk to each other, not some childhood resentment, memories or anything. When I picked up the phone, he simply told me, “I just heard the news about you all and I wanted to tell you while I still can that I love and care about you.” I was taken aback. This is the same guy who used to pin me down with his knees and twist my hands till I was almost in tears.

Honestly, I didn’t really know what to say, so I tried saying it back. Like I said, not a big fan of feelings or talking about them, so the word “love” kind of caught in my throat, but eventually, I got it. I’m so sorry that your father no longer with us, but what you were able to accomplish for those you left behind in your father’s death? It’s nothing short of a miracle, so thank you for that. I will be going to that brave to meet you and I have no idea what I will say when I’ll meet you. I mean, I don’t know if I should crack jokes to lighten up the mood or if i should show my sympathy-cum-empathy to make him feel awkward. I don’t know how I’d feel about it. Hoping that it wouldn’t be more awkward than this write up.
Sorry we’re not that close but my condolences with you,
Sneha

Dear Black Coffee,

Why? Why do you do this to me? Did i behave with you like resist any day? No. Why do you hurt me so much when all I want to do is love you? Forget the fact that you’ve never registered as more than a drunk craving to me. I feel like drunk without any alcohol. Forget that I always seem to regret our time together. I gave you my all attention while i’m with you. It was good while it lasted…. then comes the day after.

I mean, did I mean nothing to you? Then why do you do this to me?! I’ll admit our relationship is less than perfect, but there’s no excuse that can justify the pure liquid evil being expelled from my body after our time together. It’s really nice to have the same rights that everyone else does, even if I don’t think it was any of your business to rule on in the first place,  but I’m glad it finally worked in my favor, how about that? But amidst all the celebrating yesterday, I got this weird vibe that everybody thought that we were done. You’ve been warned. Before. I know I’ve said this before, but I mean it this time.
We’re over.
Your Ex-lover,
Sneha